Understanding myself

Since this trip, only I understand my true self. This is the only time I realize I am a very quiet person. I don't really talk much. I am always by myself. doing my stuff, hardly talk to people. People hardly know me, I hardly know people. Why am I like that?? Is this what I want?

I don't think so.

Working in the kitchen is not fun at all. Always by myself, and to make matter worse, they start to ignore me. I am always alone. They refuse to talk to me, even avoid me. When I want to talk to them, they just stop their conversation, but continue it later. Wth, did I do something wrong?? Why am I treated like that?? Other friends working in other place seems to be happy with their working environment.

Luckily, that is not the working place for me for the rest of my life. If not, I will be suffering, torturing and as if killing myself right here, the place which is far far away from home. So, right now, the only thing I will do is to ignore them, do my job well, learn, gain experience and continue enjoying myself here.

Alone...though surrounding by people

Anyway, I still like to be here. The place is nice, the weather in winter is nice, although it can be hot sometimes during winter, but at least you wont feel that the sun is burning your skin.

But I miss my piano. I don't know why I want to leave my piano for another 3 months and come here. My fingers are painful.

BUT, at least, I started to learn a lot of things.

Something about MYSELF, friendship, people, working, relationship, and last but not least, the torture feeling of loving someone, but dare not tell him, and love him more and more deep. Love him more and more for no reason. Miss him everyday. Looking at our picture so often. Even worse if I do not see him for that day. Thinking of him while working, on I-ride, anywhere, anytime...

I miss you everyday.

I really really want to tell you I started to love you few months ago. I want to tell you that I can't concentrate study whenever I see you, even I force myself not to see you, I will be thinking of you.

Do you know that it is very torturing?

I want you to be my BOYFRIEND. But I don't know how to tell you. I always hope that you will know my feeling.

Unfortunately, you did not show to me that you know my feelings, neither do I tell you how I feel. Am I letting my opportunity to go away AGAIN??

I want to be with you!!

At least I understand myself. I started to grow, have personal growth. I want to change, I want to achieve personal growth. I want to be the best of myself. I want my 16 years old birthday wish to come true.

But now, I am 19 already. My annual birthday wish not yet come true yet. This is the last birthday I can make the wish. OMG, 6 more weeks to go.

SAD....



Someone please save me. I want him.